Friday, April 20, 2018

Read an excerpt from Edger by David Beem with Giveaway!



Welcome to the blurb blitz tour for Edger by David Beem! You'll enjoy the quirky humor in this book, so I highly recommend checking it out! For this moment, though, you can check out an excerpt and then download it on your favorite platform. Be sure to leave David a comment or ask him a question. Make sure you give him more cowbell, too! And then follow the rest of the tour for extra chances to win the giveaway.

Note that there are some affiliate links present in this post. Should you make a purchase through one, I may earn a small commission to support my websites (and maybe get more cowbell of my own). It won't cost you anything extra!


Edger


It’s been said every story must start somewhere. Ours begins with a professional dork. The kind who fixes computers and lives in his gran’s basement. The kind tapped by destiny (that saucy minx) to become the world’s first superhero! And not a moment too soon… A nano-sized artificial intelligence is on the loose! It got itself dart-gunned into a cow butt by a frog man in a porn store! Two stoners are corrupting it on twitter! And that’s just the first three pages!! Join our dork of destiny as he channels the collective unconscious—his psychic superpower—in a harrowing tale of high drama, romance, betrayal, revenge, Jesus chickens, cocaine, weirdos, magicians, ninjas, NFL spies, and disco ball water torture administered to the tune of Rapture, by Blondie. My God, man, what does it all mean!? It means uncorking that next bottle of wine isn’t only a good idea—it’s advisable.




https://amzn.to/2qLCdHs

Read an excerpt:
Water and glass shower the dance floor. Needle scratches vinyl. Hattori Hanzo seizes control instinctively and I land with the grace of a ninja. Mary, who has no dead ninja in her head, thuds with the grace of a turkey carcass dropped from the Level Two parapet of Westfield Horton Plaza.

“Kill them!” someone yells.

“Don’t kill them!” I yell back, figuring that’s got to be worth a try.

Shots are fired. Screaming patrons run and duck for cover. A bullet ricochets off the wall. I grab Mary by the ropes binding her, and drag her behind a nearby couch.

More gunfire.

I chance a peek. Caleb Montana is near the front door, exchanging shots with two Nostradamus agents hiding behind a life-size statue of Caleb in his quarterback uniform, one arm cocked back, preparing to pass the football, and the other stretched out in front, pointing.

I round on Mary, who flings her wet hair back like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. Water sprays my supersuit’s visor.

“Cut me loose.”

“Right, right,” I say, feeling around on my utility belt. Jeez, I’ve never tried to locate anything without someone helping me from the Collective Unconscious. There are a lot of things here. I pull a tiny ball out, and the nano-technology grows into a switchblade-shaped object. Seems promising. I flick it on. Blue flame blows out from the end.

“Holy crap!”

“Come on, quit fooling around.”

“Don’t rush me! Do you have any idea how stressful this is?”

“Come on,” she says, her voice husky, cheek to floor, back arched, butt in the air.

“You never see Batman having this problem,” I mutter.




Check out an interview with David Beem here.


About David Beem

David Beem enjoys superhero movies, taekwondo, and flossing. He lives in Djibouti with his family and crippling self-doubt. Help actualize David’s inner confidence. Visit his website today, and buy all the stuff.

www.davidbeem.com
https://www.facebook.com/david.beemauthor
https://twitter.com/davidbeem


David Beem will be awarding a $50 Amazon or Barnes and Noble GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

 a Rafflecopter giveaway

15 comments:

  1. Thank you for featuring my book today!

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  2. Hahahaha--just saw the more cowbell line, Andrea! ;) ;) ;)

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    1. You are forever associated with that! LOL It's been so long since I have had an excuse to bust out that line. Ahhhh....

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    2. Excuses!? Who needs excuses?!

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    3. OK, very true. But now I have been reminded to bust it out more.

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  3. I really enjoyed reading the entire post today, thank you!

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  4. I enjoyed getting to know your book; congrats on the tour, I hope it is a fun one for you, and thanks for the chance to win :)

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  5. Great excerpt, I enjoyed reading it!

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  6. This sounds like one to read at home, so laughing out loud won't make ya look crazy. LOL
    sherry @ fundinmental

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  7. Hey, "don't kill them!" ought to work sometime!

    --Trix

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    Replies
    1. hahahah, Trix! Just saw this, but yeah--seems like a reasonable thing to shout in a moment like this, right? ;)

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