Thursday, June 9, 2016

Taking a Look at Oneself Following Divorce Is Scary ~ an excerpt from Divorced & Scared No More!

Divorced & Scared No More! Emotional Support for the Newly Divorced

Have you experienced Divorce? Are you questioning what your future will be after your vows of "I do" turn into "I do not" along with the loss of all the dreams that never will be fulfilled? Divorced and Scared No More: Emotional Support for the Newly Divorced is the first installment of the three-part trilogy written to assist readers in post-divorce related matters while providing you the motivation you need to move on.

Author Tasher speaks from personal experience; having gone through the many stages of relationships. This includes denial of a failed marriage, expressiveness needed to gain healing and how to remain emotionally grounded. You'll find ways to embrace your new found freedom and turn the lemons life threw at you into a Zesty Lemon Sorbet!

Therapist and clinical author Justin Nutt, LSCSW, LAC consulted as a technical advisor for the series. Insuring everything presented be accurate and quality material while still being a comforting, easy-to-read guide to surviving divorce.

Co-Author Tony Haynes is a practitioner of Acrostic Poetry -poetry where the first, last or other letters in a line spell out a particular word or phrase. At the end of each chapter, you can look forward to reading a clever poem from words found within the word DIVORCE. These are poetic thoughts that ask "How did I get here?" This rite of passage has everything to do with life and our stories affects each other because we are all connected. Now it's time to peek inside and see how, where & why our lives intersect.

There are so many insightful topics in the book, which will help you feel inspired to look inward and become aware of your needs to help you live again. There is still life after emotional death ... Isn't it time for you to be happily divorced and Divorced and Scared NO More?

Read the excerpt:
Understandably, self-reflection is scary. For most people, the root of this problem is usually a lack of self-awareness: we know ourselves too poorly. However, self-reflection is a must for those of us who have been through a divorce. We must learn from our mistakes and heal the wounds. The person we are today is the result of past events and decisions we have made. 
In order to move forward from a breakup, you must accept exactly what happened and acknowledge the part you played in it. It is very important to understand how the choices you made impacted the relationship. Recognizing your errors is the key to not repeating them. It is time to learn crucial lessons from your past relationship. 
Be honest with yourself throughout this part of the recovering process, but try not to harp on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the troubles you need to work with. 
If you have the ability to fairly analyze your own behavior, including the reasons why you picked your former partner, you will have the ability to see where you made poor choices, so you can learn and make better choices next time. 
It’s a good idea to decide to let go of the concepts of fear and failure. Life is made up of highs and lows, successful or not so successful events, and some that just leave you numb. Be prepared to accept these things as valuable lessons you pick up along your journey. These events might be easy experiences that you find yourself more than prepared to handle, just a turn or bump in the road. In some cases you may need to make a U-turn, but correcting the course of your life is never a failure. It is a new beginning that means you are trying and not quitting. As long as you don’t quit, you are on the road to success. 
Remember to love yourself and work at becoming settled with the person you are. It would help if, while you are looking in the mirror every morning when you wake up and every evening as you go to bed, you also tell yourself how much you like and love yourself and how good a person you are. You will never be able to survive your divorce and its aftermath, much less be ready to connect with another person, until you are comfortable with yourself, alone. 
Loving yourself is very important. So important it was once a law that every United States citizen had to love themselves. Not really, I just wanted to see if you would fall for it. But loving yourself is still very important. You are here to gain from struggle your higher standards for the living. Therefore, loving yourself should become one of your Personal Laws to elevate the quality of your life. What you whisper to yourself has the most power in your life. 
So now you may be asking, what helped me process my divorce so well?

When I was young, I remember most nights at my grandparents’ house going something like this: After dinner my father would start tapping his finger, and then my Uncle Rob would pick up some spoons and begin tapping along. Very quickly my Aunt Wanda would go get her guitar, and everyone would find something to play. The rest of the night would be spent singing, dancing, and laughing. My father’s dry humor interacting with my Uncle Reg’s slapstick was a guarantee for a sore belly (the good kind of sore) in the morning. 
Because my family always relied on humor and music to express our feelings, during my divorce and recovery I listened to empowering songs of hope. All I can say is that I am proud of the climb I made. Miley Cyrus recorded the song “The Climb” at just the right time for me. I sure do love GodWinks and how they randomly come in your life. 
The night before I moved out of our family home, my daughter, Baby Cakes, put on some music to start my playlist. In the empty dining room, my oldest son, Bucky, and youngest, Boo Boo, grabbed me and danced with me, telling me they knew “I Will Survive” (my adult children had more faith in me than I did). But I did realize I could survive, if not for me, then for them. And I was much stronger in their eyes than I felt at the time. 
Take the time to breathe in, breathe out, and decide what you want your future to hold. One moment, one breath, one second, and one step at a time, it will get better. You really cannot imagine what it will be like when you get to the other side. 
It’s your life and it is now your choice to live the way you want to. Divorce did not destroy you or any of us who are divorced unless we let it. Bon Jovi may not have been referring to divorce in his song “It’s My Life,” but this is what we have to do: live while we are alive and realize it is our choice where we go from here because now we can go where we want. 
Do not be scared or afraid: face your fears, dance in the rain, sing, laugh, smile, and throw those curtains open, saying out loud, “Good Morning, World.” If you want to eat seven tacos, there is nothing stopping you. If you want to go skydiving—well, there are actually some restrictions and classes, but do what’s required and go for it. If I can go through all this and come out better and happier, so can you. The choices you make are the beginning of the change.

Available in Paperback

Also available as an ebook and scared no more&index=aps&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=xm2&linkId=a9ba771030e312aaff83a969191bcdf5

There are four giveaways for this book. Enter them here:

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About Tasher 

Tasher was divorced on her 26th wedding anniversary, and she embarked on a new life. Her marriage was broken all to pieces, she was not going to let the divorce break her. Tasher quickly discovered that single life was very different from all those years ago. Like many, she initially was scared. Yet she was determined to become Divorce and Scared NO More!

Despite her dyslexia, she decided to share with others things she learned while rebuilding her life. The launch of quickly received a worldwide following. The logo was inspired by a set of broken pilot wings. No two people will have identical situations, hopefully the DASNM series will assist others with the least amount of trepidation, during this difficult transition.

Tasher is not a professional therapist, rather she is sharing because she has "been there and done that" understanding how it FEELS. Therapist and clinical author Justin Nutt LSCSW, LAC consults as her technical advisor. Insuring everything presented be accurate and quality material while still being a comforting, easy-to-read guide to surviving divorce.

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