Tuesday, June 7, 2016

"U" Come Before Your "X" ~ an excerpt from Divorced & Scared No More! by Tasher & Tony Haynes

Divorced & Scared No More! Emotional Support for the Newly Divorced

Have you experienced Divorce? Are you questioning what your future will be after your vows of "I do" turn into "I do not" along with the loss of all the dreams that never will be fulfilled? Divorced and Scared No More: Emotional Support for the Newly Divorced is the first installment of the three-part trilogy written to assist readers in post-divorce related matters while providing you the motivation you need to move on.

Author Tasher speaks from personal experience; having gone through the many stages of relationships. This includes denial of a failed marriage, expressiveness needed to gain healing and how to remain emotionally grounded. You'll find ways to embrace your new found freedom and turn the lemons life threw at you into a Zesty Lemon Sorbet!

Therapist and clinical author Justin Nutt, LSCSW, LAC consulted as a technical advisor for the series. Insuring everything presented be accurate and quality material while still being a comforting, easy-to-read guide to surviving divorce.

Co-Author Tony Haynes is a practitioner of Acrostic Poetry -poetry where the first, last or other letters in a line spell out a particular word or phrase. At the end of each chapter, you can look forward to reading a clever poem from words found within the word DIVORCE. These are poetic thoughts that ask "How did I get here?" This rite of passage has everything to do with life and our stories affects each other because we are all connected. Now it's time to peek inside and see how, where & why our lives intersect.

There are so many insightful topics in the book, which will help you feel inspired to look inward and become aware of your needs to help you live again. There is still life after emotional death ... Isn't it time for you to be happily divorced and Divorced and Scared NO More?

Read the excerpt:
The first and the foremost thing you need to learn is you now need to put yourself first. Now that you are single again, it is time for you to align what your mind knows and how you respond to it. You need to pull yourself out of the denial mode and tell yourself you are better off now without a marriage that was doing no good to you as a person. It is most likely there were many flaws in your broken relationship. After all, the marriage did end for a very good reason. 
It is time to kick your ex off the pedestal; the ex does not deserve to be there. You do! Think about your marriage for a few minutes and answer a few questions for me. Tell me again; how wonderful was your ex? Was your ex a thoughtful, precious person who put you and your relationship above everything else? Was your ex willing to swim through shark-infested waters to give you a glass of lemonade? This is an exaggeration, and no one should ever ask other people to put themselves in danger, but the point is, was your ex willing to do things they may not have liked in an effort to make you happy? 
Let’s face it: your ex-husband wasn’t Hercules. Your ex-wife wasn’t Venus. Sugar‑coating your life may make it taste sweeter for a while, but in the end, you’ll just have a spare tire and a heart condition more serious than a broken heart. Broken hearts heal. Take your ex-partner off the pedestal and climb up there yourself. Take my word for it—the view is nice from up here. Divorce can be like getting a new car; it hurts to give up the old one you thought was reliable, but now you have one you can absolutely rely on because you chose it yourself—and it comes with accessories. I have cupholders, music, and laughter in mine. They come standard on my new me. You deserve a pedestal with cup holders and a lot more. 
Often people are simply afraid of being alone and settle for a partner who is not fulfilling. Rather than accepting the reality that they may have settled in their relationship, people often choose to remember the good about the ex-partner and not the type of person their ex really was and now is. Any partner is better than no partner, right? (Hint: wrong. It might work for your spouse, but you’re not settling; you’re taking the upgraded version!) 
It is also very common for the party who was left to remember the good qualities but never the bad. Is your memory building your ex up into someone they really were not? Don’t look at the times when “X” was so wonderful to you, and how much “X” loved you, because the fact that your ex left proves that they were not the right person for you. You are better off without coldness in your life. If your ex was everything your memory is building them up to be, you would still be together. 
You might also wonder why your ex was not smart enough to hold onto you. If you are wearing rose‑colored glasses, now is the time to take them off. They may seem nice at first, but you look better in real sunglasses anyway. You are fantastic! You are your own priority, and you deserve the best. Obviously, your ex didn’t see you that way, but that view of you doesn’t mean you are flawed; it means your spouse wasn’t seeing you or accepting you for who you are. If your ex‑spouse was unable to handle your amazing qualities, it’s his or her loss. You don’t have to feel sorry for your ex. They either got what they felt they deserved, or what they truly deserved. Chances are, if they didn’t put in the hard work with you, they will fail at it again. Not your problem. 
Your problem is to make sure you know it was wrong to settle for your ex forgetting your birthday, leaving dishes in the sink, or leaving stinky clothes all over the house. Remember the month you went to help Aunt Martha and you came home to the deadest yard on the block because “X” forgot to water the flowers? Your garden is now abundant and fragrant. Why shouldn’t it be? If that’s what you work to achieve and value, you deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labor. 
If “U” have to, push “X” off of the pedestal and climb up there yourself—you’ll have a better view of what’s really happening in your life—and pushing your X off can be cathartic. Learn from the mistakes in your past relationship. Keep in mind that even in the alphabet, “U” comes before “X.” If it’s that way in the alphabet, you can follow suit and make it that way in your life, too!

Available in Paperback

Also available as an ebook

https://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=as_li_qf_sp_sr_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=andsboorev-20&keywords=divorced and scared no more&index=aps&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=xm2&linkId=a9ba771030e312aaff83a969191bcdf5

There are four giveaways for this book. Enter them here:

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**https://giveaway.amazon.com/p/ec5ae41ecd66bd8a End:Jun 11, 2016 11:59 PM PDT 11 prizes left**

About Tasher 

Tasher was divorced on her 26th wedding anniversary, and she embarked on a new life. Her marriage was broken all to pieces, she was not going to let the divorce break her. Tasher quickly discovered that single life was very different from all those years ago. Like many, she initially was scared. Yet she was determined to become Divorce and Scared NO More!

Despite her dyslexia, she decided to share with others things she learned while rebuilding her life. The launch of DASNM.com quickly received a worldwide following. The logo was inspired by a set of broken pilot wings. No two people will have identical situations, hopefully the DASNM series will assist others with the least amount of trepidation, during this difficult transition.

Tasher is not a professional therapist, rather she is sharing because she has "been there and done that" understanding how it FEELS. Therapist and clinical author Justin Nutt LSCSW, LAC consults as her technical advisor. Insuring everything presented be accurate and quality material while still being a comforting, easy-to-read guide to surviving divorce.

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